Some days were filled with appreciation, others were consumed by anger. There were moments of deep peace and others of sheer panic and fear. There has been laughter and there have been tears. I have felt moments of acceptance as well as disbelief and anxiety. I have felt gratitude for these circumstances but I have also cursed at them.
Some days I yell "fuck you cancer" and others I am able to place my hand over my heart and thank it for coming into my life- for the opportunities, for the blessings, for the healings. These are the feelings that co-occur in cancer.
Upon reflection, this year has definitely been transformational for me. I definitely can't say I have "arrived", I still have a lot of healing to do. My nervous system in particular needs healing. My heart & spirit still needs healing and of course, my physical body is healing too. 2021 was just the beginning.
As you would imagine, cancer was the dominating theme for my 2021. It feels rather surreal to really let those words sink in. It feels heavy. Once you have been diagnosed with cancer, it never leaves you. Cancer is incredibly consuming, I believe even more so when you take charge of your own health and pave your own path.
If I am totally honest, I am over it frankly. I am over the burden that comes with being diagnosed with cancer, even with its blessings. I am definitely ready for a fresh start. I do say that hesitantly, as I don't know what the future holds for me & cancer. I enter 2022 with a heavy heart for the fear of the unknown. Some days it definitely gets me down and others I charge on forward. All we can all do really is take one-day-at-a-time, regardless of our circumstances.
So, what about all the things (big & little) I can celebrate about 2021?
Here is a little compilation.
What am I proud of this year?
I finally left my dead-end job. A job that paid the bills yes, but one that was also chipping away at my soul.
I discovered POTTERY and am so-so-so excited to be launching my very own functional ceramic business in the New Year. This work lights up my soul and I can't wait to share it with the world. To see my work jump on over to Instagram justb.pottery
I built my veggie patch & grew heaps of beautiful fresh food! Some of the produce that did really well this year were lettuce, tomatoes, eggplant, watermelon, zucchini, kale, bok choy, parsley, basil, celery, chili, radish, red shallots, marigolds & rainbow chard. I can't wait to add more garden beds and grow even more in 2022!
We planted a fruit orchard! Lemons, limes, oranges, mandarins, figs, lychees, pomegranates, olives, pecans, macadamias, tropical plum, nectarine, cherry, peach-cot (peach mixed with apricot), white mulberry, vanilla & finger lime.
What am I grateful for this year?
I am grateful for my health. I may have cancer but I am not "sick". I am fit, strong able, motivated & capable.
I am grateful for my hair and my boobs! Had I gone down the conventional path, I would have neither.
Black Salve! I am yet to talk about my journey but this unsightly salve MAY just save my life.
I am ever so grateful for my Jon. He has been by my rock the whole way through this journey. I know he would die for me. This year has been hard on Jon as well, but yet he never once made it about him. He is incredibly selfless, has the biggest heart, and always has my back.
I am so thankful for my beautiful family who have also been an incredible support through this journey. They have always been on the sidelines cheering me on.
How could I not mention Sunshine & Scooby- to love and be loved by an animal is priceless.
I am so grateful for the incredible resources I was able to access. In particular, Ty Bollinger & his incredibly docu-series "The Truth About Cancer" has given me so much reassurance, hope, knowledge, and empowerment.
I have had some AMAZING practitioners come alongside me this year. I am so thankful for their knowledge, generosity, and support.
I am grateful for what I learnt about trauma and the nervous system this year- I had some big 'ahuh' moments that have helped me piece a few things together.
I am so grateful to live in such a beautiful part of the world. For my two healing places- Brightside Farm and the beach.
I'm grateful for my new little shack down in the veggie patch where I can simply sit and enjoy my garden.
So there you have it. That's a wrap for 2021! Thank you for following along with me and my journey this year. It's been a big year that's for sure and I am so grateful to you, my reader!!
